Toxic Love Affair

A few months ago, a ex-colleague had asked me if I would like to go back to work in my old job.  And this was not the first time she had asked me.  She would tell me about things being different, and new and interesting changes.  Many people I know would fall into this sort of toxic love affair.  They'd leave the first relationship when they find better prospects elsewhere, but stay open for options to go back in case things are not right with the new relationship.  It's called being safe!  For me, if you can not be confident or committed about a decision you're making, then you should never have made it in the first place.  Yes, I know it's easier said than done, but it's something one should strive for.  It's easier to stay in our safe comfort zones, but it's not always the right direction for us.  Moving forward means having to take risks but risks can be managed.  People would sometimes ironically criticize my analytical personality, but that is exactly the one thing that allows me to stand confidently behind my actions and decisions.

I left my job a few years ago after contemplating long and hard what I would like to do next for the rest of my life.  I loved working in the corporate world and I loved the different jobs I had while I was there.  I loved the people I worked and partnered with, the ones I learned from, the ones I coached and mentored, and even the ones I've made friends with.  And I loved the achievements and significant lessons I've learned all those years.  I even loved the challenges and disappointments which no doubt played a large part of molding me into who and what I am today.  I was as equally passionate about that part of my life as I am today with my current life.  But it was just time to move forward to the next chapter.  I made that very important decision to leave my 14-year-old job and retire from an 18-year corporate journey.  The decision wasn't part of any target plan that I had, it just felt right and everything around (like the financial part, timing, life circumstance, personal goals) just fell into place for it.

Sure, there were times when I would question if I did the right thing.  I would get emotional bouts especially when I miss my old lifestyle and reminisce the great moments of that part of my life.  I would sometimes fall into the self-esteem hole which messes with my mind profusely.  But at the end of it all, I've always ended up with an affirmation that I have taken the right step ahead.  And I realize each time that I've never been so sure in my life about the path that I've chosen.  I don't expect the road ahead to be a straightforward one, as things could change in an instant, but I'd never want to take a step back, even if the past was something great.  There will always be aspects of the past that will remind me of why I left in the first place, the same things that will make me want to leave again, and I would never want to waste my life for such rehashes.

I look back at that part of my life today, and I enjoy reminiscing about it but it seems so far back.  It was one of the best chapters and I could imagine having the same great chapters if I was still there today, but I've outgrown it.  I also feel that part of my life was just a tiny dent in this big world of ours and there's so much ground to cover for the rest of my life.  I am passionate about my life now and I look forward to the many possibilities ahead of me.  I feel that I'll be shortchanging myself if I ever go back to the past, even if that past was so great!