Although I was pretty excited at the chance to be on TV, I was actually very nervous and several times, I wanted to back out. First of all, I was never good at public speaking and second, I didn't feel that I was an authority on the subject. The topic was internet banking, and this was supposed to be done by our technical expert at my firm. But he was unavailable and our boss who was the default alternative was also unavailable. I was happy they thought of me, and I felt proud. But I was so nervous.
Days before, scenes flashed through my mind about the event, scenes of success at the same time scenes of failure! The interview conversation went through my mind even before the conversation ever happened. Well, it's not going to be scripted so I have to guess what questions they will be asking me. Although I knew about the subject matter, it's different having to talk about it in public, and worse, live on air. There is absolutely no margin for error here. Pressure! I tried to think of excuses so that I can back out, but couldn't find a good one. I didn't even want to tell anyone that I'm going on air, afraid that they might see my bloopers. I think I finally told my dad at the last minute, but still felt really uneasy. He watches that channel all the time, and he was able to record part of it :-)
First of all, I felt so fat and knowing that TV adds 10 pounds made it worse. But it's too late, I can't change how I look! As I arrived at the studio, I was met by one of the production members who prepped me. Actually, there wasn't much preparation. People there were doing their normal thing and they don't even care what I'm feeling. I had butterflies in my stomach and I think I was sweating a bit despite the air conditioning. This is your typically sink or swim scenario. They are so used to it that they just throw you in!
I waited for a while, but I couldn't sit still and wish this was over soon. I saw the studio set which was quite small. There's a couch for where I'll be sitting and talking to the host, I forget her name, but I remember her first name is Pia. It's for one of those local business stations.
I was actually numb when we started, I couldn't really remember what was going through my head. I just remembered I was really nervous. My hands were cold, there were more butterflies in my stomach, and I was trying to calm myself down and hide the trembling, all sorts of things going through my mind. At the same time, I was afraid I might miss what the host was saying and/or asking, so I try to focus back.
The first few minutes was the worst, until the host tried to open with an informal note which made me relax a bit. After the first two questions were answered, nervousness turned into confidence and I could breathe better. I was now able to become aware of my surroundings. The host was giving me positive feedback basically telling me that I'm doing alright. The production crew was also giving me positive signals. There was a small TV which I could actually see myself, or rather the actual scene that was being telecast. I hated that they were doing close up shots though :-)
As soon as we went off air, I felt my whole body relaxed. Whew! What an experience! And now, I felt so proud of myself, especially after the debrief when the folks there said, I acted naturally, especially with my hand movements, and maybe some smiles or laughs. Sometimes, I felt they were just making me feel good, but deep inside, I knew that I did well, despite the jitters and nervousness.
To me, this is one of the significant experiences that help me build my confidence in public speaking. I had a lot of opportunities after that in my work, and it became second nature to me. When I look back at where I started, with that shy little girl, who couldn't even speak to the teacher or the sales person without feeling nervous, I am so thankful of the circumstances that played a big part in my progress.
Aside from this, I've done loads of group presentations; formal client presentations; presented and taught in classes, workshops, trainings and seminars locally and abroad; chaired formal meetings; presented to senior executives; and on the personal front, emceed in my cousin's wedding; gave a speech at my niece's debut, among others.
It feels good to think of this, and I hope that I will always have that courage to speak in public, and maybe on air again, in the future :-)
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